How to plan a Bachelorette Party

So your friend is getting married! Of course, the bachelorette is a major topic of conversation but before we start popping bottles and packing our bags – let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. I’m going to break down how to plan a bachelorette party in a way that’s helpful to the MOH or whoever planning it, the bride and the guests. I planned my first bachelorette party last year and am in the midst of planning another this year (someone please pass the champagne). Am I a pro? Ha – don’t make my laugh and spit out my champagne. But I did learn a lot of along the way as well as having a few great tips of what to do and what not to do.

CHOOSING THE LOCATION: WHAT VIBE DOES THE BRIDE WANT?

When it comes to how to plan a bachelorette party, the location is everything! It’s super important to figure out what vibe the bride is going for. Does she has a few places in mind or does she want help deciding? For the bachelorette I planned last year, the bride wanted somewhere that had nice restaurants we could all get dressed up for (Cabo). She also wanted it to have somewhat of a party scene (Palm Springs) but not all the time (Vegas). Since most of the girls were coming from the east coast – we decided to go with Miami. It’s the perfect combination of fun and relaxing. You can get dressed up and go to dinners and you can party but you don’t need to be partying every night until 3am if you don’t want to.

Here are a few popular spots and their vibes:

• Miami:
  • Restaurants: Trendy
  • Attire: All out dressed up
  • Nightlife: Mix of popping bottles until 3am or being more chill
  • Day: Pool (chill or pool party), beach or boat
  • Accommodations: Hotel
• Vegas:
  • Restaurants: Trendy
  • Attire: All out dressed up
  • Nightlife: Popping bottles until 3am
  • Day: Pool parties
  • Accommodations: Hotel
• Cabo:
  • Restaurants: Super amazing but more chill
  • Attire: Beachy/chill
  • Nightlife: Can be chill or an opportunity to relive your college days on Squid Roe
  • Day: Pool, beach or boat
  • Accommodations: Hotel or house
• LA:
  • Restaurants: Trendy
  • Attire: All out dressed up
  • Nightlife: LA definitely has it’s fair share of clubs but you can do a cool after dinner lounge or a chill bar as well. It’s a mix but definitely has a fun night scene.
  • Day: Pool (parties), beach or boat
  • Accommodations: Hotel or house
• Nashville:
  • Restaurants: Super fun scene but more chill
  • Attire: More chill
  • Nightlife: More laid-back bar scene but definitely be prepared to have a fun night filled with throwback plastic cups from college
  • Day: Day drinking/ pedal through Nashville day drinking tour
  • Accommodations: Hotel or house but I think more house?
• New York:
  • Restaurants: Trendy
  • Attire: All out dressed up but not as aggressive as Vegas – different vibe
  • Nightlife: A mix but there are definitely a lot of clubs and fun bars
  • Day: Day drinking or shopping
  • Accommodations: Hotel

I know Nashville, Austin and Charleston are big bachelorette parties locations right now too. I’ve been to Charleston multiple times, Nashville once for a bachelorette and I’ve never been to Austin so take those with a grain of salt.

THE EMAIL INTRO:

I didn’t do this for either of my bachelorette parties but wish I did (especially if not everyone knows each other). Have the bride and MOH (if she knows everyone to be able to help with this) put together a brief overview introducing who everyone in the bridal party is.  I would include the following:

• Name and photo of each girl
• If she’s a bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc
• Where she lives
• How she knows the bride

This can be sent out over email to help everyone put faces to names and get a better idea of the group. I would even have the bride introduce the MOH or whoever is planning the bachelorette and let everyone know that this person will be taking over to coordinate details moving forward. This is a great way to establish who will be doing what especially if not everyone is familiar with the MOH.

SET THE DATE:

You have your location, now what? Sit down with the bride and come up with 2 weekends that you think would be best for the bachelorette. Once you have decided on your options, it’s time for the MOH to email the girls the bride wants to invite and include the following:

• Doodle link with the 2 date options
• Location of the bachelorette
• How long the bachelorette will be? (2 days, 3 days, etc)
• Date to complete the doodle by – if not, you’ll never get everyone to respond

I wouldn’t consider the number of people who responded “yes” to your initial doodle as a final headcount because you haven’t given them any idea of pricing. So let’s move on to pricing since that’s where things tend to get tricky.

I’m a little torn on which way is better but another way to communicate can be to make a Facebook group and do everything in the group. You can even do polls which is great and you can also easily share links and stuff too. My favorite part about this though is that you can see who has seen the posts (pro tip). This is really helpful especially when it comes to polls haha. The downside is that some people will complain that they never get on Facebook. But then again how many people get on their personal email? I see both sides of it but the “seen by x number of people” thing on Facebook is legit.

PRICING:

Ok now that you have the date and location – what are you going to do while you’re there? How much is it going to cost? Plot twist: this is where how to plan a bachelorette gets interesting. If you don’t know the majority of the girls attending (this has happened to me twice) you’ll have to look to the bride to help guide you on activities, vibe, price and what works for everyone.

With pricing, honesty is the best policy. You don’t want to low ball and be like yeah I’m sure dinner will be like $40 and someone goes rogue and orders off the truffle season menu and it’s game over or they don’t live in a city that charges a minimum of $20 for a cocktail (jealous) so the amount they are expecting to pay for drinks, etc is far less than the reality. These are all slight things but there are so many weddings, bachelorettes, your own vacation… that it’s just fair to be upfront and honest so people can budget or at least not be caught off guard. *See the below question under the “Awkward questions from the Instastories Poll” section for who should handle pricing though!! It’s important.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO STAY?

This really depends on your location. When we went to Miami, a hotel made more sense than renting a house and it’s shaping up to look the same in LA as well. I think a hotel makes more sense for Miami and LA but I can see where a house would make more sense in Palm Springs or Nashville.

It depends on your vibe but here are the reasons why I think the hotel is easier from a logistical standpoint.

Pros:

• Housekeeping – there’s something about coming back to a freshly cleaned hotel room that makes you feel good no matter how hungover you are. Did someone drunk order room service? I would much rather wheel the cart after we were finished into the hallway of the hotel that night (out of sight, out of mind) than wake up in a house to a mess of half-eaten drunk food in the kitchen the next morning.
• Finances – Coordinating rooms for a hotel is a lot easier than a house because everyone can book their own rooms so it eliminated one person having to put it all on their card and track down people who have and haven’t venmoed them (As someone who has planned 2 bachelorettes and hasn’t known most of the girls this is really helpful. It’s kind of hard putting your card down for like ten girls you don’t know and then having to figure out who ordered extra things and worry about being stuck paying for things they didn’t order…*See more on this under the “Awkward questions from the Instastories Poll” section below). Also, in Miami, we requested that the rooms were next to eachother or on the same floor so that made things easier too. This also gave people a little space to relax and regroup so it wasn’t nonstop togetherness.
• Room service/food – Having restaurants at the hotel made waking up in the morning and grabbing coffee or something to eat super easy. Everyone could find something that they liked and we could start on whatever we had planned that day. This also eliminates grocery shopping and stocking a house. Idk about you but if I’m going on a trip, the last place I want to be is a grocery store trying to make ten girls happy. I promise you that there will be one girl who will fight you when you divide the total bill by 10 girls and be like “but I don’t like popcorn and won’t eat it so can I pay for only the things I will eat?”
• Bag check– there’s a high probability that you’re going to have to utilize the front desk holding your bags before and after checkout so you can explore the city without a literal ball and chain. For a house, the check in and check out times don’t necessarily line up well so there’s a question of where everyone stores their luggage if checkout is at 11am and you plan on day drinking and exploring until the flights that evening.
• Concierge – forgot your toothbrush? Didn’t pack shampoo? A hotel solves all of these issues

ITINERARY:

Of course, every night will be a big night but I would pick one night that is the night that everyone can plan to go all out for. If the bride wants everyone to wear a certain color, this would be the night for it. I’m sharing all of my thoughts on wearing white, themed bathing suits under the “Awkward questions from the Instastories poll” section. Personally, I think Saturday makes sense if you’re doing a Thursday-Sunday bachelorette. This is also good if there are girls in the group that don’t want to be out until 3am every night. It’s a way to mentally prepare everyone that “Saturday” is the night to go all out and to pace yourself accordingly.

This goes along with the idea of picking one all-out night but I would also pick one activity that the bride definitely wants to do that’s on the more expensive side. For example: Is it getting a table on Saturday, renting a boat, getting a cabana at a pool, etc. If you can pull off doing a major activity like this everyday, all the power to ya but if not making one big activity work is your best bet.

I would also plan to have the lingerie shower this weekend and include any games if that’s something the bride wants. I’m spilling my thoughts on lingerie showers under the “Awkward questions from the Instastories poll” section.

RESTAURANTS:

Things to consider:

• Are you going to a big city where they won’t do individually itemized bills?
• Do you have a large group where the restaurant will give you a prefixed menu at a set price?

LARGE GROUPS/PREFIXED MENUS:

When I was planning the bachelorette in Miami last year I couldn’t believe how many restaurants had a mandatory prefixed menu at either 10 or maybe 12? (can’t remember) people. Honestly, I was super surprised by this since this isn’t an issue in LA. It wasn’t the end of the world but it did make finding dinner reservations much harder. Working with a prefixed menu with a group of 10+ girls gets tricky too because you have to have them approve already spending around $150 off of a prefixed menu with fewer options than the full menu. It’s doable but not ideal.

This was one of the things that really threw me off actually because we had a list of restaurant ideas and then it was a lot of back and forth with the restaurant’s events manager (yes, a reservation of 10+ people now apparently requires an events manager…) to share the menu, make modifications, etc… My suggestion here would be to see what people would be willing to spend on a prefixed menu first to make your life easier and if it’s not matching up then just keep calling until you find places that are cool and don’t require a prefixed menu.

ITEMIZING THE BILL… OR LACK THEREOF

Ahh the itemizing of the bill, my favorite topic. I feel like I’m about to get all Dorothy Wang with the itemized bill drama but this is important to mention because it wasn’t something I was used to until I moved to LA. If you are going to dinner with a group of girls in LA (and in my experience also Miami, New York and Vegas) they aren’t going to give you all separate bills based on what you ordered. For example, I’m not going to get a bill for just my salmon but I will get a bill for the total of the group’s dinner divided by the number of girls meaning everyone pays the same amount regardless of what they ordered. I get that this isn’t ideal but unfortunately I didn’t make the rules on this one.

If it’s a place where you can share a bunch of things, it’s easy to do so and cover everyone’s dietary restrictions with a group this large. Obviously, everyone isn’t going to eat everything but it’s smart to be like ok this is the pescatarian dish, this is meat, this is vegetarian.. etc and cover your bases. I feel like there are some common courtesy rules that at least my friends and I seem to follow:

1. Be aware of how much people are drinking: If everyone is on their first drink and you’re on your 3rd…maybe calm down, unless you are the bride of course
2. Make sure your order is somewhat in line with what everyone else is ordering.  So if everyone is ordering a sushi roll and your ordering the lobster… also calm down.

Pro Tip: If you’re at dinner and they only take 6 cards and there are 12 of you… have everyone pick a “buddy.” So let’s say Sarah is my buddy, I’ll put my card in and Sarah will venmo me half of what I put in. So basically one out of every pair (6 girls) put their card in and then everyone’s buddy venmos them. The benefit of this is so that one person doesn’t have to put the entire bill on their card then try to manage who has and hasn’t venmoed them from girls they might have just met a few hours ago and at this point are probably drunk.

AWKWARD QUESTIONS FROM THE INSTASTORIES POLL:

Is a lingerie shower during the bachelorette a must-have?

• Instagram poll verdict: 60% said yes
• Samantha’s verdict: yes

My verdict is yes. Trust me, I get that this is annoying and is like the tenth gift you’ll be getting for this wedding but you’re basically stocking the bride up with lingerie for her honeymoon!! Hello – that is way more important than whatever random household thing you’re going to get her from the registry. Let me just say something though, this is a LINGERIE shower. Lingerie. It’s not the time to stock the bride up on cozy, flannel PJs… Unless the bride for some reason isn’t a lingerie kind of girl then I totally get it but try to stick to lingerie unless it’s stated as a preference from the bride.

Should the group be covering some of the bride’s expenses?

• Instagram poll verdict: 81% said yes
• Samantha’s verdict: yes

If so, to what extent? All of it including the hotel or just food and drinks?

• Instagram poll verdict: 61% food and drinks but not the hotel
• Samantha’s verdict: food and drinks but not the hotel

In my experience, the bachelorette party pays for the bride’s dinners and drinks. It would be super weird to have the bride paying for her own dinners and drinks. The hotel is kind of tricky because these bachelorette weekends add up so quickly so I think it’s fine if the bride covers that herself. I do think that if the bride wants to do an extra activity like rent a yacht or get a table that everyone should split that equally. It’s so hard to get people on board (at least in my experience) with those things as it is that any additional expense can cause girls to back out. At the end of the day, if I was in the bride’s position, I feel like I would rather cover my portion of the yacht/table instead of not doing it at all.

Thoughts on themed outfits like wearing all pink one night or those bride squad bathing suits?

• Instagram poll verdict: 75% said yes  it’s festive
• Samantha’s verdict: yes

Specific color: I think wearing a specific color on one night it totally fine! It’s festive and makes the bride stand out. If it’s like 3 nights in a row then ehh that might be overkill but I think one night is fun and super festive.

Those bathing suits (we all know the ones): Ok, let’s talk about those “bride squad” one pieces. These one pieces caused a lot of unnecessary headache for me last year. Not because I didn’t like the idea but because no one wanted to wear them let alone pay for them. This is a really cute photo opp and honestly, I’m into it. Do I think the bride should make you wear them all day if you don’t want to? Absolutely not. Incorporating a one piece into your tanning schedule is hard enough. But I think it’s fine to wear it for the photos and change after if you’re not feeling it. A lot of people weren’t into spending $20 on a swimsuit just for a photo (I’m sure all of my blogger friends are laughing at this because what we do for a photo is always ridiculous). Since this meant a lot to the bride, she bought them as gifts for the girls which was super sweet and was a win-win for everyone.

Should the maid of honor always be the one who plans the bachelorette?

• Instagram poll verdict: 56% said yes
• Samantha’s verdict: Basically yes

I feel like this is a major part of the maid of honor’s duty as maid of honor and not a bridesmaid. It just kind of comes with the territory. It’s kind of like you can’t just show up for the fun stuff and no do any of the grunt work, ya know? I think it’s fine to have some bridesmaids help out who are better at party planning or know a city better but the maid of honor should participate in the planning in some capacity even if it’s calling restaurants or small things that don’t require a lot of prior knowledge.  I will say though that I’ve planned 2 bachelorette’s and both have been with another bridesmaid or maid of honor and it has been so much easier than doing it alone. It makes a huge difference having a planning buddy to bounce ideas off of and coordinate things with. It’s also a good person to vent with about planning frustrations to get it out of your system so you’re not complaining to the bride who has a million things on her plate.

Who pays for the decorations?

• Instagram poll verdict: 77% said everyone – 33% just the MOH
• Samantha’s verdict: See below

This gets kind of tricky. I would ask the bride what she wants first. Does she definitely want a sash, does she want a color scheme, etc. If it’s not a crazy amount I would split between the girls planning the bachelorette so the maid/matron of honor or just cover it yourself if you’re the only one. If it’s a lot though or you’re already maxed on your personal budget, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with opening it up to the group especially if it’s things they would use like cups, etc. I feel like this is hard if people aren’t willing to work with you. Unfortunately, this happened to me last year. The bride wanted to do these personalized cups and a few girls in the group shot it down and said they could bring their own monogrammed cup from home, etc. So basically we got less cute cups and a few things for the girls who were willing to chip in.  Then things got weird when the girls who refused to pay for the cups would use the cups and it’s a cup so are you really going to be like don’t use that – where is your one from home? It sounds crazy but I kid you not this is a true story.

Who should be in charge of booking the hotel? 

• Instagram poll verdict: 88% said MOH
• Samantha’s verdict:  MOH but…

If you’re doing multiple rooms have the people staying in the room just book it and then you call and ask for them together. Do you really want to deal with dividing up the late night room service charges? Have the girls in the room do that. More on this continued below:

Who should be in charge of booking the hotel if the MOH doesn’t know most of the girls?

• Instagram poll verdict: 77% said still MOH
• Samantha’s verdict:  See below

As someone who has planned two of these without knowing most of the girls, it’s hard to just throw your card down for people you just met and guarantee that you’re not going to get stuck with additional charges (especially if there were prior complaints about price) and have to chase down girls for money. “Ok so who ordered the margarita pitcher at the pool?” then no one wants to pay for it and you’re stuck with paying for this pitcher you didn’t order or no one owns up to the drunk room service charges so that get’s stuck on your tab too.

I honestly think that this is one of the reasons why a hotel works so well. You can have the 2-3 girls in each room handle who books it between themselves. This way the accountability is on them. It’s going on their card and it eliminates the issue of itemizing the bill at the end or splitting it and having people complain that they didn’t order things and shouldn’t have to pay for all of that… you get the point. It sounds harsh but all true.

Gift bags from the bride to her bachelorette guests, is this a thing?

• Instagram poll verdict: 77% yes
• Samantha’s verdict:  Nice to have but not necessary

I definitely think this is a nice gesture but I don’t think it’s completely necessary. I love what my friend did with the “bride squad” swimsuits. It was the perfect solution to the gift bag and she still got her cute photo.  A gift bag is definitely nice if you’re friends are going all out, covering your expenses, etc but I don’t think it’s fully necessary. I think there are other things a bride can do (if she wants) like the swimsuits or cover part of an expensive activity, etc that is still super thoughtful and helpful for the girls but not necessarily in the form of a gift bag.

How much is common to spend on a bachelorette weekend including travel?

• Instagram poll verdict: 58% less than $1,000 ( $42% said $1,000 or more)
• Samantha’s verdict: $1,000 or more

This one really surprised me! I thought a lot more people would have said $1,000 or more.  Then again I wonder if the girls who voted less than $1,000 were including airline travel or if their experiences have been in driving distance. Honestly, if you’re planning a bachelorette with airfare for less than $1,000 please show me your ways.

When it comes to discussing pricing and budget, who should that come from?

• Instagram poll verdict: 54% said still MOH (46% said bride)
• Samantha’s verdict: Both

I can totally see both sides of this and I don’t think the bride should be too involved in pricing discussions but I do think that people are more likely to be accommodating if it’s coming from the bride and not the MOH though especially if the girls don’t know the person planning the bachelorette. Example: It’s way harder to say to the bride that you don’t want to pay $20 for a bathing suit because you don’t think it’s a cute idea but trust me, people will say it to the MOH. So my thought here is to have the MOH do the legwork and price out the weekend, hotels, etc and send to the bride to send out only the top level/overall pricing details. This way the bride isn’t doing the work but it’s coming from her. After that initial email, it’s in the MOH’s hands to coordinate and deal with it.

If the bride wants a lot of specific things like decor, activities, etc should she be in charge of planning those additional things?

• Instagram poll verdict: 54% yes
• Samantha’s verdict: It depends on what it is

This is a hard question because I feel like it depends on what the bride wants. If she wants a cabana – ok, easy enough. I would just book it and figure out the details myself. There’s no need for the bride to do that. If she wants the cabana to be decorated in a pineapple theme with everyone using gold pineapple cups and all of the drinks to be custom pineapple cocktails and for her favorite DJ to also be playing with an on-site photographer and pineapple floats in the pool… yeah then the bride needs to plan most of that.

Is white off limits to everyone except the bride all weekend?

• Instagram poll verdict: 70% yes
• Samantha’s verdict:  Yes

I say yes but if you’re going to Cabo or Miami in the middle of summer I feel like there’s some leniency on this. White pants should be fine but a white dress? Not so much. Also talk to your bride and see what she wants. Maybe she’s going to be like “we’re in Cabo, please don’t look like you’re going to a funeral.” This is another benefit of picking that one all-out night though. The one all-out night can be the absolutely no white night if the bride decides pastels and other light colors are ok on other nights if it’s summer, somewhere tropical, etc.

What about a white bathing suit?

• Instagram poll verdict: 51% come on it’s a bathing suit
• Samantha’s verdict:  Agreed but not if it’s for a major event

I think a white bathing suit is fine for the most part but within reason. If you’re renting a yacht or a cabana – I wouldn’t wear your white bathing suit on that day. Let the bride have her moment and wear your white suit on a day that is more laid back. But again – if the bride is planning a white bathing suit for everyday, wants to be the only one in white and tells you ahead of time – white is off limits, sorry.

I hope this how to plan a bachelorette party guide is helpful! It’s such an honor to be asked to be part of your friend’s wedding and bachelorette. As much as bachelorette planning is stressful, it’s worth it in the end. I want to hear about all of your tips and tricks too so let me know in the comments!